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Question air 4 Front sing air 4 Hot Rock Band ✔

 

WERE YOU EVER A SUPERSTAR WHO’S GAINED WEIGHT, HAD A KID AND IS ON HER WAY DOWN?

yes no

 

HAVE YOU EVER SUNG IN A LOUNGE BAND FOR BAR MITZVAHS, DEBUTANTE PARTIES OR WEDDINGS?
yes no

 

HOW MANY BANDS HAVE YOU BEEN IN THAT HAVE STAYED TOGETHER FOR MORE THAN THREE MONTHS?
one
five
over five

 

IF THE ANSWER IS YES, DID YOU FUCK THE
bass player
keyboard player
lead guitar player
rhythm guitar player
drummer
percussionist
backup singer
(other) ____________

 

WAS THAT THE REASON THAT THE BAND BROKE UP?
yes no

 

IF NOT, TELL US REASONS WHY YOUR BANDS HAVE BROKEN UP
competition
death of drummer due to overdose
arrest
bored
very bad playing

 

HAVE YOU INDULGED IN—
pot
coke
meth
crack
mushrooms
ecstasy
all
none
beer
wine
bourbon
whiskey
all
none

 

HAVE YOU GIVEN UP PARTYING AND HAVE EITHER ATTENDED REHABILITATION OR ARE YOU IN THE TWELVE-STEP PROGRAM?
yes no

 

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN IN REHABILITATION AND BLOWN IT?

 

HOW MANY PROMISES HAVE YOU MADE TO BE IN REHABILITATION AND LIED?

 

HAVE YOU EVER TRASHED A HOTEL ROOM?
yes no

three-star hotel room
four-star hotel room
five-star hotel room
expensive loft of fans

 

DO YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE
Lady Gaga
Susanne Vega
Ozzy Osbourne
Patti Smith
Katy Perry

 

ARE YOU
straight
gay
transgender
straight but willing to look gay
gay but willing to look butch
butch but willing to look femme
femme but willing to look straight
transgender but willing to look like you have a multiple personality disorder

 

ARE YOU RELIGIOUS?
orthodox Jewish
born again Christian
newly found Muslim
Zen-Buddhist-don’t-care-about-shit
Mormon with benefits
atheist with flashes of mysticism brought on by drugs

 

ARE YOU BIGOTED AGAINST WHOM
white indie-rockers
heavy metal rockers
motown bands
boy bands with long hair
Michael Jackson
Dolly Parton
Abyssinian gospel choir

 

WHAT IMAGE WOULD YOU LIKE TO PROJECT ONSTAGE?
serial killer
diabetic
epileptic
border-personality
vaudeville comedian
ballet dancer
frog
hypnotist

 

WOULD YOU EAT A RAW FISH (HEAD AND ALL) IF THE BAND DEPENDED ON IT?
yes no

 

DO YOU HAVE AN INDEPENDENT JOB THAT YOUR BAND COULD SUCK OFF OF? IF YES, CHECK ONE OF THE FOLLOWING:
I sell Christmas Seals
plus-size model
I do market research pretending I speak through a hole in my throat

 

WOULD YOU ADOPT A THIRD WORLD BABY?
yes no

 

IF YES, WHAT TYPE?
African
Indonesian
Mongolian
Appalachian
Tampa, Floridian
Guatemalan
Free-style skate boarder
Quadriplegic
Idiot savant with brilliance in dancing the jig

 

WOULD YOU ADOPT A THIRD WORLD BABY WITH—
AIDS
Cholera
Yellow Fever
a bad sense of humor (just kidding)

 

ARE YOU CAPABLE OF BECOMING PHYSICALLY VIOLENT?
yes
no, I believe in world peace
I can drive a tank
I maim but I do not kill
it depends on the person

 

DO YOU SING OR PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?
I sing through my nose
I learned to play bass from a Mattel Toy kit
I play xylophone and kazoo
I can scream
I am a Tuvan throat singer

 

ARE YOU ANY GOOD?
I just started this year but I practice every day
I am taking lessons but I don’t like my teacher
I am a virtuoso but masturbate onstage

 

DO YOU LIE?
yes
no
now you wouldn’t know, would you?

 

HOW DO WE GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU?
Craigslist
Facebook
eHarmony.com
My grandfather’s mailbox
cellphone, Twitter, etc. you idiot
You’ll never find me

 

HOW CAN WE STALK YOU? WHAT IF WE WANT TO STALK YOU? TURN YOU INTO A PORN STAR? KIDNAP YOU AT PORT AUTHORITY? TURN YOUR HAIR BLONDE? DRUG YOU WITH ZANEX? TAKE YOU TO ROMANIA OR BANGKOK? SELL YOU TO A COYOTE? HAVE THE COYOTE TURN YOU AND TRAIN YOU TO BE HIS WHORE? WHAT IF YOU BECOME THE YOUNGEST WHORE OF SOME SAUSAGE-SMELLING PIMP? TRAVEL INTERNATIONALLY AND FUCK VERY RICH PEDOPHILES? GET ADDICTED TO CRACK AND WORK UNTIL YOUR LOOKS WEAR OUT? GET THROWN OUT ONTO THE ROAD IN A SMALL TOWN IN SOME EASTERN-EUROPEAN COUNTRY? GET PICKED UP IN A 1974 CHEVY PICKUP TRUCK? GET RAPED BY THE DRIVER? PUT IN THE BACK OF THE TRUCK? DUMPED ON THE ROAD AND FOUND DEAD BY A NEARBY FARMER?

 

DO YOU MIND BEING VIDEOTAPED?